Sisters

I am so glad my girls have eachother! I hope they grow up to be best friends. I can't wait until Farrah is old enough to really play with Lilly. I love having so many sisters. I just wish I was closer with them. I'm the 6th out of 7 children. There are 6 girls and 1 boy and he happens to be the sibling just older than me, putting a 5 year gap between myself and my 4 older sisters. Kind of a bummer! But my younger sister and I were really good playmates growing up. We were always either best friends or enemies. Now that we're grown, we're just best friends :) And now that I have kids like my older sisters the age gap has narrowed and we have plenty in common.

Every Morning :)

 Fourth of July with the only cousins from David's side so far (Lilly, Farrah, Cameron, Minnie, Jessica)

 Lilly. Our little Adventurer! She is always so curious. It's fun to look at the world through her eyes.

 Our happy little Farrah! (Smiling at her daddy) David was his mother's smiliest baby, and I was my mom's. We were bound to get one!

 Sweetest faces.

 Lilly loves Tinkerbell or "Bello" in her language. She made these wings at her 2 year birthday party.

 Lilly and David on the Merry-Go-Round in Heber during Fair Days.

Lilly watering our little back porch garden.

Life is sweet when surrounded by my loved ones! I'm so happy to be the mother of girls!

A Lesson on Introverts.. Like Myself

This post was originally going to be about something completely different, but then I found this website and decided I had to share. If you weren't aware, I am a massive introvert with Social Anxiety Disorder plus perfectionism, depression and anxiety (all clinically diagnosed, thank you very much!)... try that one on for size! The end result - a home body who is afraid of walking out the front door because one of my extra friendly neighbors may want to say hi to me on my way to the mail box. I am riddled with anxiety in just about any situation. I constantly think of the worst possible scenarios and a good amount of the time they seem to come true! So.. anyway :) incase you wanted to understand an introvert and why we seem so rude or strange, here you go!

*I originally saw this list here.
But I wanted to edit a few.

PROBLEMS ONLY INTROVERTS WILL UNDERSTAND

1. When you need to take breaks and recharge after socializing for too long.
2. When people mistake your thoughtful look for a resting b-word face. (People think you are judgemental because of this face.)
3. When your friend wants to invite more people over and you don't want to sound like a jerk by saying no.
4. When people say "How was your weekend?" and you think to yourself, "Great! I didn't see anyone for two whole days!"
5. Fearing that you are slowly turning into a hermit... who will likely die alone.
6. Having visitors stay with you is a nightmare because it means you have to be on at ALL TIMES.
7. When people stop inviting you to things because you keep canceling  plans.

8. Too many social obligations + no alone time = total grump.
9. When you're asked to do a group project and know that you're going to hate every minute of it. "I hate talking. To people. About things." (This also kills my perfectionism. Just let me do the whole thing alone, the right way, the first time.)
10. When your ride at a party doesn't want to leave early and no one seems to understand your distress.
11. When you hear "Wanna hang out?" and your palms start sweating with anxiety because the answer is "no" but you don't want to hurt their feelings.
12. When you hear "Are you okay?" or "Why are you so quiet?" for the umpteenth time just because you prefer to listen.
13. Trying to be extra outgoing when you flirt so your crush doesn't think you hate them. "Seriously, I just have resting b-word face.. it's not you."
14. That feeling of dread when the phone rings and you're not mentally/emotionally prepared to chat.
15. When you have an awesome night out but have to deal with feeling exhausted for days after the fact.
16. When people pressure you to be more social whether you like it or not.
17. When you're really excited to go out, but those feelings don't last long enough.

18. When you're trying to get something done but you can't because everyone else is talking.

19. When you bring something to do to a public place so no one will bug you, but other people take that as a conversation starter.

20. When people make you feel weird for wanting to do things by yourself.

21. When someone interrupts your thoughts and you get irrationally angry.

22. When people can't seem to grasp that being in SMALL groups is where you excel the most.

23. You just need to not talk to anyone for a while. And that's okay.

Luckily for me, I married an extrovert!

We make a good team.

Haha. He really is though ;)

(Look how cute he is!)

He loves to invite people over, to plan parties, to play games, to be out and about (and dress up, obviously!) He's helped me deal with my issues and pushes my comfort zones. If any of you are thinking to yourselves, "Oh no! I talk to Shelby too much!" or "I guess all those times we invited them over, Shelby really didn't want to be there," throw those thoughts away because they're not true. I find that even though I would like to say no or am nervous about being with people and going places, I really enjoy myself socially and am much happier afterward than I would have been if I had stayed home -even if I am exhausted after- ;) Your efforts are appreciated! Because if we waited for me to call and invite people to hang out, it would never happen. And I'd hate to miss out on all the fun things and people I have in my life now and in the future!

Faith Overcoming Fear

I'm an anxiety-ridden person and always have been. I'm the opposite of courageous and can be quite the pessimist at times. I got my monthy Ensign in the mail yesterday and decided to read an article from it today for FHE. The article was titled "A Time for Faith, Not Fear" by Elder Larry W. Gibbons.

I needed that.

I haven't been able to attend church for a few months because I had Farrah in April. I've also been having medical issues with kidney stones recently as well as just before having her. My little sister was diagnosed with Crohns disease the same weekend I was in the E.R. having surgery for my kidneys. My parents are in the middle of a divorce and I have already seen how quickly evil has tried to pull my family apart.

I just want to thank my Heavenly Father openly for allowing me to be born in the Promised Land. Free. On top of that, being privileged enough to also be raised in the true gospel of Jesus Christ. As if that isn't fortunate enough, my husband was also born and raised in similar circumstances to my own. I now have two beautiful, sweet little angels for daughters and an incredible husband for their father- who blesses our home and lives by being worthy of the priesthood. What a comfort it is to me through this trying time in my life that I have truth, knowledge, and loved ones to support and uplift me. I have an incredible bishop, ward, young women leaders I work with in my calling, and visiting teachers, who are all so willing to serve.

What peace the words in that article brought to my heart - that "this is a time for faith, not fear."

Foodie

I have a lot to say about food.

I was raised eating great food. My dad loved to cook experimentally and my mom was pro at baking! As they grew up, several of my sisters found a love for cooking/baking too and can now make just about anything. After getting married, I was exposed to a whole different world of foods than I'd ever tried or thought I'd liked. While in the hospital after having Farrah, my dad bought me a cookbook (which was quite the treat coming from him!) and I can't wait to try every single recipe in it! Recently, David and I have been watching shows like "Master Chef" on Hulu Plus and it's helped to spark my interest in cooking as well. So I'm recording a new goal: to cook/bake more frequently (from scratch).

David and I have also been fed up with our weight gain and feeling disgusting, due to sitting on the couch for hours watching TV after putting the girls to sleep. David suggested we try being vegetarian for a month (which has now turned into 2 weeks). I'm a carnivore so it seems quite daunting but I'm willing to put in the effort.
Lately, Farrah has been acting colicky and the culprit seems to be dairy.. For anyone who knows me, you'd know that I can go through AT LEAST 2 gallons of whole milk a week single-handedly. I also dump any and all cheese into or onto nearly everything I eat and I'd be a crazy person not to love icecream.. and I do!! So here is a question for anyone who'd like to keep me from starving. What in the world does a lactose intolerant vegetarian eat?! Is this basically what vegans eat?

Sometimes David and I like to pretend like we're rich people so we occasionally take ourselves out to eat. Last night we ate at the "Tortilla Bar" on State Street here in Orem. David's work is a few buildings over and he said he sees their line get longer and longer everyday, which made him curious. He ordered the hanger taco and pork taco and I ordered the pork taco and avacado taco. They were both excellent, but a little pricey for the small portion you get. However, everything (as much as possible) is organic and locally grown/provided which guaranteed us really fresh food! I wouldn't eat there everyday, but as my husband said, it's a place you'd want to take someone you are trying to impress!
Afterward, we stopped by Taco Bell to get Lilly her own soft taco. David and I couldn't help but sneak a few bites.. sometimes you just really need some greasy garbage food too!

I. LOVE. FOOD.

Farrah Emery Martin

Since I have a little down time, I thought I should get around to typing up a bit about the birth of our second daughter, Farrah.

As you know, if you've read my last two posts, it was nearly impossible to get this girl and the doctors on the same page as myself concerning when her arrival would be. I wanted her asap and she and the doctors would have let her turn 18 before exiting my body. After my scheduled induction (on my due date) fell through, I was told I was put on the list to be induced first thing in the morning five days later. Monday night finally rolled around and despite all my cleaning and preparation, I felt no excitement for the morning to come. Infact, I felt nauseous and doubtful that things would turn out the way I had previously hoped. To be honest, I felt like God was giving me the opposite of what I wanted just to teach me a lesson that I couldn't seem to figure out. SO.. I did my best not to feel anything, as to not get my hopes up again, only to be obliterated for the third time. The hospital never called us, so we called them. They said to plan on coming in at 6 a.m. but to "call ahead of time, just incase." Ohhhh that famous phrase... I know it all too well! David stubbornly, resentfully, and rightfully told me we were not going to call in the morning but to simply show up instead. That's what we did. About a minute before we got there, a nurse called and asked if we were still planning on coming in. I said we were almost there and she asked if we had tried to call anytime that morning. Nope!

When we got to the hospital and were checked into a room, they informed us that they were short staffed and had thought about postponing my induction... you can imagine how I would have felt in that moment. Anyway, they had to call in extra nurses so I waited until 7:30 to start the induction, but I was just happy to be there!

Around 10:30 my contractions were painful enough to get an epidural. Skipping all the gory details, my water broke and I was ready to push at 3:30 p.m. My doctor thought it'd be awesome to stand outside my door to eat some ice cream and have a nice chat with the other nurses while I sat there fully dilated and feeling the pain get stronger. I hadn't pushed my epidural button because I had assumed I was about to have the baby and it would take 15 minutes for the medicine to kick in. Silly me.. the doctor stood right outside for a half hour. By the time he came in to deliver the baby, I pushed one time and there she was!

So Farrah Emery Martin was born at 4:00 p.m. on April 2, 2013 weighing 7 lbs. 0 oz. and was 20 inches long. A FULL HEAD OF BLACK HAIR on her too! I was so excited she wasn't bald like Lilly and I were!

Well, the rest is history. Recovery has been difficult for my body. It's been 10 days and I'm still dependent on percocet to get me through. But it's felt wonderful to hold a newborn again. Emotionally, I am doing so much better than the pregnancy me. I'm so excited to be able to exercise and get feeling back to normal right as summer comes into view! Lilly enjoys touching her little sister's hands and feet and kissing her on the head. She's been really good. Farrah and I are still working out kinks in sleep and nursing habits, but overall, it's been great. And of course, David is a hard working, happy daddy that adores his three little girls!

Welcome to the Martin family, Farrah. We hope you like it here :)

Still not ready

So, I'm still not ready to talk about the details because it's too overwhelmingly emotional for me but I figured if anyone who reads my blog would like to know what's going on with baby, here's a short(er) update.

I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday and got fantastic news. I was scheduled in to be induced this week!

However, the day came.. with many complications.. and many other women that became priority over me and my baby.. and my doctor left for a vacation and no other doctor wanted to deliver for me.. then the day left.. after a million phone calls and hours of anxiety I am heart broken to say, I still haven't met my little one yet. That makes two weeks in a row of this emotional roller coaster and I am struggling. She won't get to wear the matching Easter dress we bought her and Lilly. Nor the bunny beanie we commissioned my sister to crochet for her for the holiday. We won't be able to wrap her up with the blankie and bunny we put in her first Easter basket. I'll have to go to family parties and be asked by a million people why the heck I'm STILL pregnant.

I'm sceduled to be induced this coming week now. Big whoop. Who knows if it'll actually even happen. I'll be 41 weeks pregnant and I can't imagine being more exhausted. I'm huge. I run on 2-3 hours of interrupted sleep a night. And the longer I'm pregnant the bigger this baby gets. I'm so done. I've been done for a long time now.

I should be grateful that I can be pregnant. That she will be healthy and no matter what. That there IS an end to pregnancy. But this is still one of the hardest things I've gone through physically, and I'm still trying to figure out what God is trying to teach me.

BLEHHHHH.

It's probably a bad idea for me to write this post while I'm still in the midst of all my negative emotions, but...

I am in my 39th week of pregnancy. I had my first "check" at the doctor's today and was hoping for good news like "Great job mom! You're ready to go! Let's deliver this baby sometime this week. Pick a day - any day!"

Just a little background story for you.. My first pregnancy (the one before this one) made me wish I could die every day because of how sick I was. When my everyday/all day sickness subsided at around six months, I felt pretty great. It was still hard being pregnant, but my favorite thing was being a tan, full term mommy in the middle of summer sportin' a belly in a bikini by the pool! I loved being 9 months pregnant, and never really wished my pregnancy would end. (Keep in mind here, I had never experienced a contraction and weighed 119 the day I had the baby!) My first "check" that time around was at 37 weeks, and to my surprise, I was already dilating. We set the day to be induced and everything went better than I could've ever imagined. A week later, we had a gorgeous little girl!

Sooooo, here I am in my second pregnancy (which has turned out to be a lot harder than the first) at 39 weeks, and guess what news the doctor gave me? "Well, there's nothin' goin' on down there! Looks like we'll have to see you again in a week!" I was already mad that I'm one week from my due date and hadn't been checked before this point. Plus, w.t.h. is up with going into labor 3 weeks early last time and now, being no where close to it when I'm huge and in pain all the time?! I honestly fully expected to set an induction date today. I've been having really painful contractions all week, not to mention the hundreds of practice contractions everyday for months. I won't go into detail about the other changes in my bodily functions, but really. 100% shock not being able to have this baby. I want her out of me YESTERDAY! There's no "extra time to catch up on sleep and all the freedoms you won't get to enjoy once she's here". I'm lucky to get two consecutive hours of sleep nowdays, and my freedoms are severely dampened when entertaining a 20 month old all day. I'm already past my full term weight from the last pregnancy. I only made it this far because I told myself everyday "One more week. You can last one more week!" Now what am I going to tell myself?! I'll tell you what I've already told myself. "You may now eat all the junk food and crap you want because this baby is going to be in there past your due date. So pig out, lounge around and feel bad for yourself every single day until she comes."

The end.

Final pregnancy updates!

Remember when I filled out a little questionnaire back when I was 19 weeks pregnant? Well, I thought it'd be neat to do again now that I'll be having the baby sometime in the next two weeks! Some questions are the same and some are different than last time. We're getting more and more excited as the days go on!

How old are you: 21
When are you due: March 28th, 2013
How far along are you: 38 weeks!
How much weight have you gained: 25 lbs
Are you showing yet: like a whale!
Was this planned or unplanned: Unplanned for me, planned for daddy! Haha
Belly button in or out: Out out out!
Happy or moody: Happy but always exhausted.
Is this your first pregnancy: Nope
How old are your other children: Lillian is 20 months old.
What is the gender of baby: A GIRL!!! :D
You pee an estimated__times a day: Ten, maybe more. With constant contractions I always feel like I have to pee!
Latest food craving: The chocolatiest of all chocolate shakes!
Who do you think the baby will look like: After our last ultrasound, I compared Lilly's ultrasound pictures to this baby's and they looked different! This one has a pointier nose, so I'm hoping she looks like me :) Lilly looks just like her daddy so it'd be fun to have a mini Shelby too!
Favorite thing about being pregnant at this point: The look of my round tummy in shirts and dresses.
Least favorite thing at this point: Ooh, there's a few! Constant fatigue, even my pregnancy pants are too tight, all the extra weight and fat I'm carrying makes me feel unattractive, my back, hips, pelvis and legs always hurt, she kicks right above my belly button and it killlllls, I get super itchy when I try to sleep because of the swelling from water retension... the list goes on! Haha.
One thing you've missed since being pregnant: Being able to jump and dance and run - basically being active and being able to move like a normal human being.
Any stretch marks: All the ones from my first pregnancy (which is like a gazillion) but only two new ones from this time around (thank goodness!) One above my belly button and one on my right calf.
Is the nursery complete: No, we need to paint her crib and get a changing pad, but other than that, yes!
Is there a theme: Yes, she and Lilly are sharing a room. The colors are silky lavender, black and white floral patterns and silver highlights. It's gorgeous, if I do say so myself!
Medicated birth or natural: If all goes to plan, I'll be induced and have a reeeeeaal nice epidural waiting for my beckoning call! :)

Suffering with Pica

Ever heard of those weird pregnant women with CRAZY cravings? I'm not talking about the pickles and ice cream combo, I mean the women who crave dirt and laundry detergent.

That's me.

Well, not the dirt part. But walk me down the cleaner or laundry isle in the grocery store and you will have to drag me out of there! During both my pregnancy with Lilly and my current pregnancy I have craved non-nutritional/non-food substances. This is a condition called Pica. My cravings with my first pregnancy were fewer and spread out over more time. I craved toothpaste, any lemon scented cleaner and ice. Nothing too out of hand, and quite common for people with an iron deficiency (which would be most pregnant women). I thought I was in the clear when halfway through this pregnancy I had no such cravings. And then it hit me... seven months pregnant and Pica came back with a vengeance! Not only do I crave toothpaste, lemon scented cleaners and pebble ice, but also David's sport body wash, Clorox disinfecting wipes, dish soap, dish-washer detergent, fabric softener dryer sheets, lavender baby powder, the gritty texture and smell of my exfoliant, and gasoline. As for the title of this post, I really wouldn't consider myself as "suffering" through these cravings because let's be honest.. it's really, REALLY satisfying every time I get a whiff of one of those things! The only part that makes "suffering" applicable is wishing I could bathe in cleaner, brush my teeth with my exfoliant and drink gasoline... even though, in reality, I know it would all actually be discusting. Because I know how harmful they'd all be to ingest, I fill my cravings other ways. I guess you could say that I'm now obsessed with cleaning, brushing my teeth and showering (even more so than I am when I'm not pregnant! For those who know me well, this would be hard to believe). I take AT LEAST two showers a day; I'm guilty of carrying a dryer sheet around with me and every time I pass my kitchen sink I open one of my cleaners to smell it.

Onto the more statistical parts of Pica - less than 25% of women suffer from it during pregnancy. It was reassuring to me to read what other women have experienced craving- things like soil, clay, laundry starch, ice, ashes, plaster, paint chips, matches, permanent marker and coffee grounds.

I remember showering at home for the first time after having Lilly. I was so disappointed that my toothpaste didn't taste very good to me anymore. It's pretty amazing how quickly our hormones change us. Hopefully I'll still find the time and motivation to shower and clean after this little one is born! I hear two kids is going to be pretty tough!

Meh... BRING IT ON! :)

BOM

At church, this last Sunday, our Gospel Essentials class was about the scriptures and why they're important in our lives. I guess it really stuck with David, because the next day, he came home from work and offered me a challenge to read the entire Book of Mormon, aloud, together, in one month! I accepted and we immediately began studying. Each day, we have to read a minimum of nine chapters in order to make our goal. I can say it definitely is a challenge, but more than anything, it's been a blessing, and we've only been reading for three days.
Lately, David and I have really been struggling with our patience for Lilly. She is constantly testing her boundaries with us and throws loud, mean tantrums when she doesn't get her way. She's also learning to sleep in a toddler bed and hardly eats the food we give her. With a new baby coming and with all the illness I've been dealing with, I become anxious and overwhelmed quite easily; I feel like I have no energy or physical capability to handle her behavior. By reading the B.O.M. diligently, David and I are praying that Heavenly Father will give us more patience and love.
I was called to be an advisor in the Young Women program in our ward back in November and again, because of the pregnancy and related illnesses I haven't been able to attend to or fulfill my calling as fully as I've wanted to. David is the Elders Quorum Secretary and has a difficult time calling members because of his busy schedule. By reading the B.O.M. we are hoping Heavenly Father will help us have the time and energy to fulfill our callings the way we would like to.
Lastly, we want to have the spirit with us and within our home more noticeably. We would like to receive inspiration, comfort and guidance from our Heavenly Father, and we believe that by reading the B.O.M. He will provide our family with such.
I'm grateful for a husband who encourages me to become better and who has such a strong testimony of the Lord's true gospel.

By March fourth I will write another post to share my experiences about this challenge again. And anyone who feels prompted to take up this challenge or one like it should do so! I'd love to hear how reading the scriptures has benefitted your life as well.