My Days

I keep forgetting that my posts don't have to be about some big occasion or life changing event. So, I thought I might write a bit about my life for the last little while. Journal entry starting.... now!

David and I and our girls were able to get packed up and drove down to Mesquite, Nevada for Thanksgiving with his mom. His sister Melanie and father drove in a separate car as well. We were going for the first Leavitt family reunion (David's mother's side) since the year I was born! So, 21 whole years ago. Long time! It was my first Thanksgiving away from home. My mother-in-law kept apologizing for how it might turn out and assuring me it wasn't a good representation of what their Thanksgivings were normally like. I wasn't worried though! We stayed in an awesome condo where David and I experienced what having a master bedroom is like! (King sized bed, TV, walk-in closet, gigantic vanity, jetta tub, ALL the amenities!) We got some exercise in with a 5k and a little pickleball, but I have to say my favorite part was getting to know my brother and sister-in-law a little better. I sure wish they'd move to Utah already. Overall, the trip was fantastic and it was so nice to get away for a long weekend!

Since December began, I've been released as a Young Women Advisor. Our whole presidency was released. I'm so sad to see them go because I feel like I met some wonderful friends in the calling, but am also super excited for what the new leaders will be able to offer to the girls of our ward. I was called into Young Women yet again (thank goodness) as the Secretary and there are no longer any advisors. I say thank goodness because that calling is just meant for me! Our new presidency is AMAZING! Super adorable, lively, young ladies that our girls have already accepted and respected. (Insert huge sigh of relief.)

Yesterday I was able to go to my old house in Heber with my mom to spend some time with two of my lovely sisters and let the girls play with some of their cousins. We talked and cleaned and made sugar cookies. It was a litte chaotic but I'm so glad I went!
I also had mutual last night and our activity was a white elephant gift exchange. I handmade a Darth Tater out of a potato, toothpicks and black construction paper. I kind of fell in love with it and was sad to see him go, but the girls sure thought it was hilarious. He's going to a good home!
I came home from the activity to find my husband slaving away to clean our bedroom. It took him three hours!!! He folded 3 loads of laundry, hung white christmas lights around the ceiling, dusted, decluttered, the whole shabang... what a hunk! All while taking care of our two girls and putting them to bed. He. Is. Amazing. It made my whole week!
We are also in charge of the activities for our family young adult Christmas party on the 21st, so we stayed up making games and enjoying our alone time together by the Christmas tree.

 It's so great, amid the trials and hecticness of daily life (especially this time of year) to be able to stop and breathe and think to myself, "I love my life."

Homeowners!

NOT!! I wish..

I am dying!!
As part of David's job, he gets to go on "tours" where he, along with realtors around the area, get to walk through houses on the market and give the sellers feedback. Today he saw a little starter home he thought I'd like, so he described it to me and asked if I wanted to go see it. We took the girls over and waited for his mom to come unlock it for us. We walked around the way-bigger-than-I-expected yard, and Lilly clung to the old metal swing it comes with. At this point I didn't have my hopes up at all. I'm pretty picky about where I live, especially if I'm looking for our first house! When Davids parents arrived, they opened the front door and the further inside I walked, the more I fell in love! Nearly everthing in the house was remodeled and it had 3 bedrooms, 1 bath and all hardwood floors. So, I want this house, right?
With David's new job we could actually afford this house. So... I start really... wanting... this house. I begin picturing... me... in this house. BAD IDEA.
Because David and I are fiscally responsible with our money we have no credit score, meaning, everything about us qualifies for this house.. except for the fact that we have no debt. How. Freakin. Retarded is that!!! So in 3 months time when we can actually get the house it will most likely be sold. And a little piece of my heart died thinking about that. I even mumbled under my breath that I might kill the people that buy it out from under me. Even David didn't see that kind of attachment coming.

Haha, but really, I'd never do that. However, I am obsessing a little bit! I'm trying to think about how much I enjoy living where I do now, because I LOVE IT! My ward and neighbors, especially! But I can't help but want to crumble something extremely solid in my fist at how ridiculous our country is when it demands debt in order to move up in life! Hhhhhhh.. so for now, I am still a debtless, houseless, yardless, swingless, harwood-floorless, little Shelby.

A Little Thing Called Love

Sometimes I can't help but think back to all my years as a teenager and feel nothing but regret. I'm pretty sure on my 13th birthday something crawled into my ear and lived in my brain until I was 18 or so. Suddenly I was inquisitive, self conscious and took rules as a challenge to break them. However, through all my rebellion and obnoxiousness that I can now see (and try my hardest to laugh at instead of being severely embarrassed), I was always the same shy, guilt-prone, perfectionist I had been my entire life. I really did want to be honest; do the right thing; get my life in line with the Lord. Unfortunately though, my own poor descisions led myself, my family and my friends through heartache and further trials.

 Okay, enough of the self shaming and onto what I really want this post to be about. Since I found my amazing husband, had cute little girlies of my own and have found more purpose in my life, I can't help but recognize how much love my Heavenly Father has for me. Those years that I felt so disappointed in myself, so alone, and so valueless, He knew. He had a plan for me all along. Those trials I barely endured prepared me for motherhood. They prepared me for my calling as a Young Woman leader. He knew more than I did how colorful my life would become as soon as I said "I do."

Two weeks ago in Young Women our lesson was about enduring trials with patience, and we read Alma 26:27 which says, "Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success."

What a promise! I can truly testify that God will comfort us if we pray to him and express each and every thought and feeling we may be having with Him. He loves me. You. His children. More than I love the children He blessed me with! I can't even imagine that. But my life is proof to me that this promise is true. It is so evident that I can never nor will ever deny that He exists. He led me to my soulmate in the darkest hours of my life. He gave me a beautiful baby to care for when I thought I had nothing to live for. He gave me David's family who has accepted and loved me with open arms and hearts. He has changed my life through love! He is aware of our individual lives. Our individual heartches. Our temptations and personal trials. He WANTS to bless us. His love has made me want to be a better person. To be a force for good and light and happiness in this dark, evil, sad world.  I want everyone to feel the joy I have in my life because of the gospel. This, of course, doesn't mean I don't have hardships or pain or trials because WOW. I do! BUT through obedience I am able to have peace. To replace my fear with faith.

I am so blessed.

Star Stickers

There's always a part of me that wants to say "No! Don't play with that... Don't climb on that... Put that down! You'll make a mess... you'll tear your clothes... you'll get hurt!" Etc. But as time goes on I've tried to care less about those kinds of things and care more about enjoying my children while they explore, create and learn. Tonight, Lilly found a sheet of star stickers. (She's been in love with stickers lately.) Immediately she began pulling them off and sticking them to our faces and saying "pretty mama". My first instinct was to say "Don't pull all of those stickers off. We might need them someday for something." Then I realized how silly that seemed. She wasn't doing anything wrong. She was just having fun and making her little sister and mommy look "pretty". So instead of telling her no, I said "Thank you," and "Wow, look how cute."

Farrah and I with our ornamentation.

Then, Lilly did something that melted my heart. She began kissing the stickers and putting them on my arm to make my "owies" feel better. This girl sure takes good care of her mommy! It definitely pays off to relax and let your children grow. I'm so proud of the little person Lilly is becoming. How lucky I am to be a mom! I get to see these little people in ways I would never be able to otherwise - through God's eyes. For all the potential they hold. For all the beautiful things I look at but that they help me really SEE. My girls teach me everyday. And for that I am eternally grateful.

My Soul Mate

I'm just sitting here on the couch, thinking I'm ready to go to bed. I looked over at David as he mouthed the words "I love you" to me. Can I take a moment to say that my husband is my perfect match, truly my better half, and because of him my faith in God has grown tremendously. Firstly, because I spent so many teenage years worrying and wasting time, begging Heavenly Father to let me someday marry whichever boyfriend I was dating at the time. Most of them were sweet guys, but David is one million times the man I ever dreamed I'd end up with. Being completely honest - I didn't even know there were men in the world as sweet, caring, loveable, silly and spiritual as him! So much of the world tells us that men are this way or that.. mostly disappointing, mindless and selfish.. and I was raised to believe that. David changed that completely for me. This proves to me that God really knows what and who is best for us, when the time comes! David strengthens and encourages me daily. I want to be the best wife and mother I can be for him. I want him to be as proud to have me for a wife as I am to have him for my husband! Lately, he's been adding a little more effort in our home and it's made a huge difference in my life! Small things like helping with laundry, playing with the girls, cleaning a room in the house and rubbing my feet at night. I just can't get enough of my sweetheart.

He just looked at me and I couldn't help but grin.. he suspects I'm writing something about him and I'm sure this would humiliate him! But really. I just can't help but express my overflowing amount of love for him.

I am constantly reminded about how much my Heavenly Father must love me to have put mine and my childrens lives in David's arms. He brightens my day, everyday! I can't wait to spend all eternity with the man of my dreams!

Sisters

I am so glad my girls have eachother! I hope they grow up to be best friends. I can't wait until Farrah is old enough to really play with Lilly. I love having so many sisters. I just wish I was closer with them. I'm the 6th out of 7 children. There are 6 girls and 1 boy and he happens to be the sibling just older than me, putting a 5 year gap between myself and my 4 older sisters. Kind of a bummer! But my younger sister and I were really good playmates growing up. We were always either best friends or enemies. Now that we're grown, we're just best friends :) And now that I have kids like my older sisters the age gap has narrowed and we have plenty in common.

Every Morning :)

 Fourth of July with the only cousins from David's side so far (Lilly, Farrah, Cameron, Minnie, Jessica)

 Lilly. Our little Adventurer! She is always so curious. It's fun to look at the world through her eyes.

 Our happy little Farrah! (Smiling at her daddy) David was his mother's smiliest baby, and I was my mom's. We were bound to get one!

 Sweetest faces.

 Lilly loves Tinkerbell or "Bello" in her language. She made these wings at her 2 year birthday party.

 Lilly and David on the Merry-Go-Round in Heber during Fair Days.

Lilly watering our little back porch garden.

Life is sweet when surrounded by my loved ones! I'm so happy to be the mother of girls!

A Lesson on Introverts.. Like Myself

This post was originally going to be about something completely different, but then I found this website and decided I had to share. If you weren't aware, I am a massive introvert with Social Anxiety Disorder plus perfectionism, depression and anxiety (all clinically diagnosed, thank you very much!)... try that one on for size! The end result - a home body who is afraid of walking out the front door because one of my extra friendly neighbors may want to say hi to me on my way to the mail box. I am riddled with anxiety in just about any situation. I constantly think of the worst possible scenarios and a good amount of the time they seem to come true! So.. anyway :) incase you wanted to understand an introvert and why we seem so rude or strange, here you go!

*I originally saw this list here.
But I wanted to edit a few.

PROBLEMS ONLY INTROVERTS WILL UNDERSTAND

1. When you need to take breaks and recharge after socializing for too long.
2. When people mistake your thoughtful look for a resting b-word face. (People think you are judgemental because of this face.)
3. When your friend wants to invite more people over and you don't want to sound like a jerk by saying no.
4. When people say "How was your weekend?" and you think to yourself, "Great! I didn't see anyone for two whole days!"
5. Fearing that you are slowly turning into a hermit... who will likely die alone.
6. Having visitors stay with you is a nightmare because it means you have to be on at ALL TIMES.
7. When people stop inviting you to things because you keep canceling  plans.

8. Too many social obligations + no alone time = total grump.
9. When you're asked to do a group project and know that you're going to hate every minute of it. "I hate talking. To people. About things." (This also kills my perfectionism. Just let me do the whole thing alone, the right way, the first time.)
10. When your ride at a party doesn't want to leave early and no one seems to understand your distress.
11. When you hear "Wanna hang out?" and your palms start sweating with anxiety because the answer is "no" but you don't want to hurt their feelings.
12. When you hear "Are you okay?" or "Why are you so quiet?" for the umpteenth time just because you prefer to listen.
13. Trying to be extra outgoing when you flirt so your crush doesn't think you hate them. "Seriously, I just have resting b-word face.. it's not you."
14. That feeling of dread when the phone rings and you're not mentally/emotionally prepared to chat.
15. When you have an awesome night out but have to deal with feeling exhausted for days after the fact.
16. When people pressure you to be more social whether you like it or not.
17. When you're really excited to go out, but those feelings don't last long enough.

18. When you're trying to get something done but you can't because everyone else is talking.

19. When you bring something to do to a public place so no one will bug you, but other people take that as a conversation starter.

20. When people make you feel weird for wanting to do things by yourself.

21. When someone interrupts your thoughts and you get irrationally angry.

22. When people can't seem to grasp that being in SMALL groups is where you excel the most.

23. You just need to not talk to anyone for a while. And that's okay.

Luckily for me, I married an extrovert!

We make a good team.

Haha. He really is though ;)

(Look how cute he is!)

He loves to invite people over, to plan parties, to play games, to be out and about (and dress up, obviously!) He's helped me deal with my issues and pushes my comfort zones. If any of you are thinking to yourselves, "Oh no! I talk to Shelby too much!" or "I guess all those times we invited them over, Shelby really didn't want to be there," throw those thoughts away because they're not true. I find that even though I would like to say no or am nervous about being with people and going places, I really enjoy myself socially and am much happier afterward than I would have been if I had stayed home -even if I am exhausted after- ;) Your efforts are appreciated! Because if we waited for me to call and invite people to hang out, it would never happen. And I'd hate to miss out on all the fun things and people I have in my life now and in the future!

Faith Overcoming Fear

I'm an anxiety-ridden person and always have been. I'm the opposite of courageous and can be quite the pessimist at times. I got my monthy Ensign in the mail yesterday and decided to read an article from it today for FHE. The article was titled "A Time for Faith, Not Fear" by Elder Larry W. Gibbons.

I needed that.

I haven't been able to attend church for a few months because I had Farrah in April. I've also been having medical issues with kidney stones recently as well as just before having her. My little sister was diagnosed with Crohns disease the same weekend I was in the E.R. having surgery for my kidneys. My parents are in the middle of a divorce and I have already seen how quickly evil has tried to pull my family apart.

I just want to thank my Heavenly Father openly for allowing me to be born in the Promised Land. Free. On top of that, being privileged enough to also be raised in the true gospel of Jesus Christ. As if that isn't fortunate enough, my husband was also born and raised in similar circumstances to my own. I now have two beautiful, sweet little angels for daughters and an incredible husband for their father- who blesses our home and lives by being worthy of the priesthood. What a comfort it is to me through this trying time in my life that I have truth, knowledge, and loved ones to support and uplift me. I have an incredible bishop, ward, young women leaders I work with in my calling, and visiting teachers, who are all so willing to serve.

What peace the words in that article brought to my heart - that "this is a time for faith, not fear."

Foodie

I have a lot to say about food.

I was raised eating great food. My dad loved to cook experimentally and my mom was pro at baking! As they grew up, several of my sisters found a love for cooking/baking too and can now make just about anything. After getting married, I was exposed to a whole different world of foods than I'd ever tried or thought I'd liked. While in the hospital after having Farrah, my dad bought me a cookbook (which was quite the treat coming from him!) and I can't wait to try every single recipe in it! Recently, David and I have been watching shows like "Master Chef" on Hulu Plus and it's helped to spark my interest in cooking as well. So I'm recording a new goal: to cook/bake more frequently (from scratch).

David and I have also been fed up with our weight gain and feeling disgusting, due to sitting on the couch for hours watching TV after putting the girls to sleep. David suggested we try being vegetarian for a month (which has now turned into 2 weeks). I'm a carnivore so it seems quite daunting but I'm willing to put in the effort.
Lately, Farrah has been acting colicky and the culprit seems to be dairy.. For anyone who knows me, you'd know that I can go through AT LEAST 2 gallons of whole milk a week single-handedly. I also dump any and all cheese into or onto nearly everything I eat and I'd be a crazy person not to love icecream.. and I do!! So here is a question for anyone who'd like to keep me from starving. What in the world does a lactose intolerant vegetarian eat?! Is this basically what vegans eat?

Sometimes David and I like to pretend like we're rich people so we occasionally take ourselves out to eat. Last night we ate at the "Tortilla Bar" on State Street here in Orem. David's work is a few buildings over and he said he sees their line get longer and longer everyday, which made him curious. He ordered the hanger taco and pork taco and I ordered the pork taco and avacado taco. They were both excellent, but a little pricey for the small portion you get. However, everything (as much as possible) is organic and locally grown/provided which guaranteed us really fresh food! I wouldn't eat there everyday, but as my husband said, it's a place you'd want to take someone you are trying to impress!
Afterward, we stopped by Taco Bell to get Lilly her own soft taco. David and I couldn't help but sneak a few bites.. sometimes you just really need some greasy garbage food too!

I. LOVE. FOOD.

Farrah Emery Martin

Since I have a little down time, I thought I should get around to typing up a bit about the birth of our second daughter, Farrah.

As you know, if you've read my last two posts, it was nearly impossible to get this girl and the doctors on the same page as myself concerning when her arrival would be. I wanted her asap and she and the doctors would have let her turn 18 before exiting my body. After my scheduled induction (on my due date) fell through, I was told I was put on the list to be induced first thing in the morning five days later. Monday night finally rolled around and despite all my cleaning and preparation, I felt no excitement for the morning to come. Infact, I felt nauseous and doubtful that things would turn out the way I had previously hoped. To be honest, I felt like God was giving me the opposite of what I wanted just to teach me a lesson that I couldn't seem to figure out. SO.. I did my best not to feel anything, as to not get my hopes up again, only to be obliterated for the third time. The hospital never called us, so we called them. They said to plan on coming in at 6 a.m. but to "call ahead of time, just incase." Ohhhh that famous phrase... I know it all too well! David stubbornly, resentfully, and rightfully told me we were not going to call in the morning but to simply show up instead. That's what we did. About a minute before we got there, a nurse called and asked if we were still planning on coming in. I said we were almost there and she asked if we had tried to call anytime that morning. Nope!

When we got to the hospital and were checked into a room, they informed us that they were short staffed and had thought about postponing my induction... you can imagine how I would have felt in that moment. Anyway, they had to call in extra nurses so I waited until 7:30 to start the induction, but I was just happy to be there!

Around 10:30 my contractions were painful enough to get an epidural. Skipping all the gory details, my water broke and I was ready to push at 3:30 p.m. My doctor thought it'd be awesome to stand outside my door to eat some ice cream and have a nice chat with the other nurses while I sat there fully dilated and feeling the pain get stronger. I hadn't pushed my epidural button because I had assumed I was about to have the baby and it would take 15 minutes for the medicine to kick in. Silly me.. the doctor stood right outside for a half hour. By the time he came in to deliver the baby, I pushed one time and there she was!

So Farrah Emery Martin was born at 4:00 p.m. on April 2, 2013 weighing 7 lbs. 0 oz. and was 20 inches long. A FULL HEAD OF BLACK HAIR on her too! I was so excited she wasn't bald like Lilly and I were!

Well, the rest is history. Recovery has been difficult for my body. It's been 10 days and I'm still dependent on percocet to get me through. But it's felt wonderful to hold a newborn again. Emotionally, I am doing so much better than the pregnancy me. I'm so excited to be able to exercise and get feeling back to normal right as summer comes into view! Lilly enjoys touching her little sister's hands and feet and kissing her on the head. She's been really good. Farrah and I are still working out kinks in sleep and nursing habits, but overall, it's been great. And of course, David is a hard working, happy daddy that adores his three little girls!

Welcome to the Martin family, Farrah. We hope you like it here :)