Simona's Memory

It's probably a bad idea for me to write this post while I'm still in the midst of all my negative emotions, but...

I am in my 39th week of pregnancy. I had my first "check" at the doctor's today and was hoping for good news like "Great job mom! You're ready to go! Let's deliver this baby sometime this week. Pick a day - any day!"

Just a little background story for you.. My first pregnancy (the one before this one) made me wish I could die every day because of how sick I was. When my everyday/all day sickness subsided at around six months, I felt pretty great. It was still hard being pregnant, but my favorite thing was being a tan, full term mommy in the middle of summer sportin' a belly in a bikini by the pool! I loved being 9 months pregnant, and never really wished my pregnancy would end. (Keep in mind here, I had never experienced a contraction and weighed 119 the day I had the baby!) My first "check" that time around was at 37 weeks, and to my surprise, I was already dilating. We set the day to be induced and everything went better than I could've ever imagined. A week later, we had a gorgeous little girl!

Sooooo, here I am in my second pregnancy (which has turned out to be a lot harder than the first) at 39 weeks, and guess what news the doctor gave me? "Well, there's nothin' goin' on down there! Looks like we'll have to see you again in a week!" I was already mad that I'm one week from my due date and hadn't been checked before this point. Plus, w.t.h. is up with going into labor 3 weeks early last time and now, being no where close to it when I'm huge and in pain all the time?! I honestly fully expected to set an induction date today. I've been having really painful contractions all week, not to mention the hundreds of practice contractions everyday for months. I won't go into detail about the other changes in my bodily functions, but really. 100% shock not being able to have this baby. I want her out of me YESTERDAY! There's no "extra time to catch up on sleep and all the freedoms you won't get to enjoy once she's here". I'm lucky to get two consecutive hours of sleep nowdays, and my freedoms are severely dampened when entertaining a 20 month old all day. I'm already past my full term weight from the last pregnancy. I only made it this far because I told myself everyday "One more week. You can last one more week!" Now what am I going to tell myself?! I'll tell you what I've already told myself. "You may now eat all the junk food and crap you want because this baby is going to be in there past your due date. So pig out, lounge around and feel bad for yourself every single day until she comes."

The end.