Reasons I'm Alive

List of things that make my life worth living:

David Bruce Martin
Lillian and Farrah
The sweet little things God provides for me specifically, daily
Pizza
The beach.. any beach
Cozy sweaters
Crazy hair dye
Sunshine
Glitter
Garlic cheesy bread
My glamorous purse
Hot showers
Great friends
Choclate Volcano cakes
Walking to get sno cones with David in summertime
Waterfalls
Siberian Tigers
Tennis & Pickleball
Playing the wii-u after the girls go to sleep
MUSIC
Ikea
Christmas trees
Key Lime pie
Braids
Swings
Fuzzy socks
Camping
Lipstick
Getting letters in the mail
Nailpolish
Tight jeans
Hot chocolate & donuts in winter
Pictures
Temples
Playing in sprinklers
Watching Farrah waddle around
Rootbeer
Coloring books
Lace
Babies
Picking and peeling peaches in my Sunday dress with mom in the back yard in CA
Sleeping in nice hotels
Back massages
Decanters
Black
Jellyfish
Looking at my girls while they sleep
Whole milk
Holding hands with David
My ultimate comfy pillow.

I'm sure there are so many more things that make my life more colorful. Even though I don't get to do the big things often, it's the little day to day things that make me enjoy my life so fully.

Yesterday, today, tomorrow.

Here are some descriptive sentences for what my life is revolving around lately.

Farrah eating poop.
New best friends.
Young Women activities.
Lilly's "big girl panties"
Decluttering.
DIY interior design
Trying lazily to get in shape.
Broken washer.
Replacing old furniture.
New red hair.
Please, no more sugar.

Spring cleaning has been the real deal around here lately! Out with the old but not necessarily in with the new. I'm a minimalist at heart. I'd be one of those people who could actually function living in a model home. Unfortunately, my husband and babes could not, so my life is being taken over by throwing/giving things away from literally every room in the house.

Poop. Poop. Poop. And more poop. Between Lillian potty training and Farrah being a monster, I have been living in poop. The worst part? Our washer suddenly broke in the middle of a cycle last week, so everything has to be hand washed in the tub or brought to my mother-in-laws house (bless her heart.. we didn't even ask) so I've been choosing my outfits wisely!

Thank goodness for tax refunds when you're broke. We haven't received ours yet, but knowing we've filed our taxes is such a relief. Not to mention how great it will be to actually have money to replace our washer with!

I've been trying to say yes to people and go to things more often. My anxiety is still high but I guess you could say I'm getting better at masking it.. Annnnd I'm just getting to know people better = I'm more comfortable around them. Namely the 3 beautiful ladies I work with in young women. It's so nice to have a little circle of friends with no drama and we all get along! I can't even remember the last time I experienced that! It's awesome not being a teenager anymore! It's pretty great that all our husbands are cool as well. My life is pretty entwined with my calling right now which means we HAVE to see eachother at least twice a week, which is kind of a great thing.. shhh!

My husband is handsome AND sweet. What's not to be thankful for? My girls are silly and adorable and all 3 of those rascals melt my heart every 2 seconds of everyday. As hectic as life is for us right now (and stress and depression make their appearances too), I can't help but trust that God will make it all right in the end. I'm young, healthy, have great friends, a great relationship with my husband, a great relationship with my Heavenly Father, have 2 lil princesses who depend on me, a warm house, an income and all the necessities. I live in a great neighborhood in a great city, state and country.

I wouldn't trade my life with anyone or for anything.

2013 - New Years Eve

2013

I can't believe how fast this year went by! (Probably because last year seemed to go on forever being pregnant with baby #2). The days are getting shorter, that's for sure! I want to just take a minute to recap the good and bad, mostly the prominent memories I have of 2013.

David and I hosted a rad New Years party. I passed over 7 kidney stones in 2 months. I had 3 birthday parties for my 21st bday in February. A Rootbeer tasting/themed party with my family, a family dinner with my in-laws, and a date night with my husband on my actual birthday. In March we celebrated our 2 year anniversary. I can't believe we haven't been married longer! Most of the time, that's a terrible thing to say, but I just mean that I feel like I've known David for all my life and any time living before him seems so "bleh". We stayed at a gorgeous hotel and I was miserably 9 months pregnant. My due date came around on March 28th. The memory is still too painful to relive so I will just say that it was the worst day of my life with a cancelled induction. I spent the Easter weekend with mine and David's family, which was wonderful, but I still had no baby in my arms. April 2nd - Farrah Emery was born!! Thank goodness it wasn't April first with David as her father... A few weeks later I had emergency kidney surgery to remove 3 stones that were passing at the same time, resulting in a urinary tract infection, a swollen kidney and a trip to the ER. I was scheduled 2 weeks later to blast the clusters leftover in my kidneys but had a miracle. When I went in for an X-ray the day before my second surgery, they couldn't find them. I went in the following day for another X-ray and they still couldn't find them! And I haven't had an issue with them since! The summer months were the longest part of the year for me! My favorite part was going through the temple frequently with all the Sommers' for our missionaries first times. Each went through a different temple, which was neat for me! In September, a few of us married couples in the Sommers family went to Duck Creek for a retreat in a beautiful cabin! It was a BLAST to say the least. Four wheeling, great food and great company! We drove home on the 15th, which is our family's 1 year anniversary of being sealed in the Manti temple. We were able to stop and walk around the temple grounds that Sunday evening, just as the sun was setting. It was one of the most peaceful, beautiful experiences I've ever had. In October, David and I threw him a Halloween Costume birthday party! It was the best party we've hosted yet! We had so many friends, neighbors and family members attend. My sister, mom and I made David a killer octopus cake too! Pictures will definitely be posted soon. For Halloween, I was a butterfly, Lillian wad a firefly, Farrah was a caterpillar and David was a bug catcher! For Thanksgiving we traveled to Mesquite, Nevada for a Leavitt family reunion. It was my first Thanksgiving away from my family, but it was a great and greatly needed little vacation! This December was a first for a lot of things for David and I. It was the first time we got a real Christmas tree, the first time we did a secret santa plus donated gifts and money to a friend we care about, the first time I've been sick with 4 illnesses in a row lasting over a month, and it was Farrah's very first Christmas! Like always, we spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with David's family, then went to my dad's house for dinner. My dad actually played a card game with us afterward! WOW! And now as the new year is approaching, we are going to celebrate tonight with a few friends, a few games and a few treats. This year has been absolutely wonderful, as an understatement. I thank my Heavenly Father every single day for my "above average" husband, my sweet daughters, the amazing family I married into, the generosity of my family members, and the happiness of the true gospel that fills my life! I'm excited for 2014. If it's anything like this year has been, it'll be an adventure worth living!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

My Days

I keep forgetting that my posts don't have to be about some big occasion or life changing event. So, I thought I might write a bit about my life for the last little while. Journal entry starting.... now!

David and I and our girls were able to get packed up and drove down to Mesquite, Nevada for Thanksgiving with his mom. His sister Melanie and father drove in a separate car as well. We were going for the first Leavitt family reunion (David's mother's side) since the year I was born! So, 21 whole years ago. Long time! It was my first Thanksgiving away from home. My mother-in-law kept apologizing for how it might turn out and assuring me it wasn't a good representation of what their Thanksgivings were normally like. I wasn't worried though! We stayed in an awesome condo where David and I experienced what having a master bedroom is like! (King sized bed, TV, walk-in closet, gigantic vanity, jetta tub, ALL the amenities!) We got some exercise in with a 5k and a little pickleball, but I have to say my favorite part was getting to know my brother and sister-in-law a little better. I sure wish they'd move to Utah already. Overall, the trip was fantastic and it was so nice to get away for a long weekend!

Since December began, I've been released as a Young Women Advisor. Our whole presidency was released. I'm so sad to see them go because I feel like I met some wonderful friends in the calling, but am also super excited for what the new leaders will be able to offer to the girls of our ward. I was called into Young Women yet again (thank goodness) as the Secretary and there are no longer any advisors. I say thank goodness because that calling is just meant for me! Our new presidency is AMAZING! Super adorable, lively, young ladies that our girls have already accepted and respected. (Insert huge sigh of relief.)

Yesterday I was able to go to my old house in Heber with my mom to spend some time with two of my lovely sisters and let the girls play with some of their cousins. We talked and cleaned and made sugar cookies. It was a litte chaotic but I'm so glad I went!
I also had mutual last night and our activity was a white elephant gift exchange. I handmade a Darth Tater out of a potato, toothpicks and black construction paper. I kind of fell in love with it and was sad to see him go, but the girls sure thought it was hilarious. He's going to a good home!
I came home from the activity to find my husband slaving away to clean our bedroom. It took him three hours!!! He folded 3 loads of laundry, hung white christmas lights around the ceiling, dusted, decluttered, the whole shabang... what a hunk! All while taking care of our two girls and putting them to bed. He. Is. Amazing. It made my whole week!
We are also in charge of the activities for our family young adult Christmas party on the 21st, so we stayed up making games and enjoying our alone time together by the Christmas tree.

 It's so great, amid the trials and hecticness of daily life (especially this time of year) to be able to stop and breathe and think to myself, "I love my life."

Homeowners!

NOT!! I wish..

I am dying!!
As part of David's job, he gets to go on "tours" where he, along with realtors around the area, get to walk through houses on the market and give the sellers feedback. Today he saw a little starter home he thought I'd like, so he described it to me and asked if I wanted to go see it. We took the girls over and waited for his mom to come unlock it for us. We walked around the way-bigger-than-I-expected yard, and Lilly clung to the old metal swing it comes with. At this point I didn't have my hopes up at all. I'm pretty picky about where I live, especially if I'm looking for our first house! When Davids parents arrived, they opened the front door and the further inside I walked, the more I fell in love! Nearly everthing in the house was remodeled and it had 3 bedrooms, 1 bath and all hardwood floors. So, I want this house, right?
With David's new job we could actually afford this house. So... I start really... wanting... this house. I begin picturing... me... in this house. BAD IDEA.
Because David and I are fiscally responsible with our money we have no credit score, meaning, everything about us qualifies for this house.. except for the fact that we have no debt. How. Freakin. Retarded is that!!! So in 3 months time when we can actually get the house it will most likely be sold. And a little piece of my heart died thinking about that. I even mumbled under my breath that I might kill the people that buy it out from under me. Even David didn't see that kind of attachment coming.

Haha, but really, I'd never do that. However, I am obsessing a little bit! I'm trying to think about how much I enjoy living where I do now, because I LOVE IT! My ward and neighbors, especially! But I can't help but want to crumble something extremely solid in my fist at how ridiculous our country is when it demands debt in order to move up in life! Hhhhhhh.. so for now, I am still a debtless, houseless, yardless, swingless, harwood-floorless, little Shelby.

A Little Thing Called Love

Sometimes I can't help but think back to all my years as a teenager and feel nothing but regret. I'm pretty sure on my 13th birthday something crawled into my ear and lived in my brain until I was 18 or so. Suddenly I was inquisitive, self conscious and took rules as a challenge to break them. However, through all my rebellion and obnoxiousness that I can now see (and try my hardest to laugh at instead of being severely embarrassed), I was always the same shy, guilt-prone, perfectionist I had been my entire life. I really did want to be honest; do the right thing; get my life in line with the Lord. Unfortunately though, my own poor descisions led myself, my family and my friends through heartache and further trials.

 Okay, enough of the self shaming and onto what I really want this post to be about. Since I found my amazing husband, had cute little girlies of my own and have found more purpose in my life, I can't help but recognize how much love my Heavenly Father has for me. Those years that I felt so disappointed in myself, so alone, and so valueless, He knew. He had a plan for me all along. Those trials I barely endured prepared me for motherhood. They prepared me for my calling as a Young Woman leader. He knew more than I did how colorful my life would become as soon as I said "I do."

Two weeks ago in Young Women our lesson was about enduring trials with patience, and we read Alma 26:27 which says, "Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success."

What a promise! I can truly testify that God will comfort us if we pray to him and express each and every thought and feeling we may be having with Him. He loves me. You. His children. More than I love the children He blessed me with! I can't even imagine that. But my life is proof to me that this promise is true. It is so evident that I can never nor will ever deny that He exists. He led me to my soulmate in the darkest hours of my life. He gave me a beautiful baby to care for when I thought I had nothing to live for. He gave me David's family who has accepted and loved me with open arms and hearts. He has changed my life through love! He is aware of our individual lives. Our individual heartches. Our temptations and personal trials. He WANTS to bless us. His love has made me want to be a better person. To be a force for good and light and happiness in this dark, evil, sad world.  I want everyone to feel the joy I have in my life because of the gospel. This, of course, doesn't mean I don't have hardships or pain or trials because WOW. I do! BUT through obedience I am able to have peace. To replace my fear with faith.

I am so blessed.

Star Stickers

There's always a part of me that wants to say "No! Don't play with that... Don't climb on that... Put that down! You'll make a mess... you'll tear your clothes... you'll get hurt!" Etc. But as time goes on I've tried to care less about those kinds of things and care more about enjoying my children while they explore, create and learn. Tonight, Lilly found a sheet of star stickers. (She's been in love with stickers lately.) Immediately she began pulling them off and sticking them to our faces and saying "pretty mama". My first instinct was to say "Don't pull all of those stickers off. We might need them someday for something." Then I realized how silly that seemed. She wasn't doing anything wrong. She was just having fun and making her little sister and mommy look "pretty". So instead of telling her no, I said "Thank you," and "Wow, look how cute."

Farrah and I with our ornamentation.

Then, Lilly did something that melted my heart. She began kissing the stickers and putting them on my arm to make my "owies" feel better. This girl sure takes good care of her mommy! It definitely pays off to relax and let your children grow. I'm so proud of the little person Lilly is becoming. How lucky I am to be a mom! I get to see these little people in ways I would never be able to otherwise - through God's eyes. For all the potential they hold. For all the beautiful things I look at but that they help me really SEE. My girls teach me everyday. And for that I am eternally grateful.

My Soul Mate

I'm just sitting here on the couch, thinking I'm ready to go to bed. I looked over at David as he mouthed the words "I love you" to me. Can I take a moment to say that my husband is my perfect match, truly my better half, and because of him my faith in God has grown tremendously. Firstly, because I spent so many teenage years worrying and wasting time, begging Heavenly Father to let me someday marry whichever boyfriend I was dating at the time. Most of them were sweet guys, but David is one million times the man I ever dreamed I'd end up with. Being completely honest - I didn't even know there were men in the world as sweet, caring, loveable, silly and spiritual as him! So much of the world tells us that men are this way or that.. mostly disappointing, mindless and selfish.. and I was raised to believe that. David changed that completely for me. This proves to me that God really knows what and who is best for us, when the time comes! David strengthens and encourages me daily. I want to be the best wife and mother I can be for him. I want him to be as proud to have me for a wife as I am to have him for my husband! Lately, he's been adding a little more effort in our home and it's made a huge difference in my life! Small things like helping with laundry, playing with the girls, cleaning a room in the house and rubbing my feet at night. I just can't get enough of my sweetheart.

He just looked at me and I couldn't help but grin.. he suspects I'm writing something about him and I'm sure this would humiliate him! But really. I just can't help but express my overflowing amount of love for him.

I am constantly reminded about how much my Heavenly Father must love me to have put mine and my childrens lives in David's arms. He brightens my day, everyday! I can't wait to spend all eternity with the man of my dreams!

Sisters

I am so glad my girls have eachother! I hope they grow up to be best friends. I can't wait until Farrah is old enough to really play with Lilly. I love having so many sisters. I just wish I was closer with them. I'm the 6th out of 7 children. There are 6 girls and 1 boy and he happens to be the sibling just older than me, putting a 5 year gap between myself and my 4 older sisters. Kind of a bummer! But my younger sister and I were really good playmates growing up. We were always either best friends or enemies. Now that we're grown, we're just best friends :) And now that I have kids like my older sisters the age gap has narrowed and we have plenty in common.

Every Morning :)

 Fourth of July with the only cousins from David's side so far (Lilly, Farrah, Cameron, Minnie, Jessica)

 Lilly. Our little Adventurer! She is always so curious. It's fun to look at the world through her eyes.

 Our happy little Farrah! (Smiling at her daddy) David was his mother's smiliest baby, and I was my mom's. We were bound to get one!

 Sweetest faces.

 Lilly loves Tinkerbell or "Bello" in her language. She made these wings at her 2 year birthday party.

 Lilly and David on the Merry-Go-Round in Heber during Fair Days.

Lilly watering our little back porch garden.

Life is sweet when surrounded by my loved ones! I'm so happy to be the mother of girls!

A Lesson on Introverts.. Like Myself

This post was originally going to be about something completely different, but then I found this website and decided I had to share. If you weren't aware, I am a massive introvert with Social Anxiety Disorder plus perfectionism, depression and anxiety (all clinically diagnosed, thank you very much!)... try that one on for size! The end result - a home body who is afraid of walking out the front door because one of my extra friendly neighbors may want to say hi to me on my way to the mail box. I am riddled with anxiety in just about any situation. I constantly think of the worst possible scenarios and a good amount of the time they seem to come true! So.. anyway :) incase you wanted to understand an introvert and why we seem so rude or strange, here you go!

*I originally saw this list here.
But I wanted to edit a few.

PROBLEMS ONLY INTROVERTS WILL UNDERSTAND

1. When you need to take breaks and recharge after socializing for too long.
2. When people mistake your thoughtful look for a resting b-word face. (People think you are judgemental because of this face.)
3. When your friend wants to invite more people over and you don't want to sound like a jerk by saying no.
4. When people say "How was your weekend?" and you think to yourself, "Great! I didn't see anyone for two whole days!"
5. Fearing that you are slowly turning into a hermit... who will likely die alone.
6. Having visitors stay with you is a nightmare because it means you have to be on at ALL TIMES.
7. When people stop inviting you to things because you keep canceling  plans.

8. Too many social obligations + no alone time = total grump.
9. When you're asked to do a group project and know that you're going to hate every minute of it. "I hate talking. To people. About things." (This also kills my perfectionism. Just let me do the whole thing alone, the right way, the first time.)
10. When your ride at a party doesn't want to leave early and no one seems to understand your distress.
11. When you hear "Wanna hang out?" and your palms start sweating with anxiety because the answer is "no" but you don't want to hurt their feelings.
12. When you hear "Are you okay?" or "Why are you so quiet?" for the umpteenth time just because you prefer to listen.
13. Trying to be extra outgoing when you flirt so your crush doesn't think you hate them. "Seriously, I just have resting b-word face.. it's not you."
14. That feeling of dread when the phone rings and you're not mentally/emotionally prepared to chat.
15. When you have an awesome night out but have to deal with feeling exhausted for days after the fact.
16. When people pressure you to be more social whether you like it or not.
17. When you're really excited to go out, but those feelings don't last long enough.

18. When you're trying to get something done but you can't because everyone else is talking.

19. When you bring something to do to a public place so no one will bug you, but other people take that as a conversation starter.

20. When people make you feel weird for wanting to do things by yourself.

21. When someone interrupts your thoughts and you get irrationally angry.

22. When people can't seem to grasp that being in SMALL groups is where you excel the most.

23. You just need to not talk to anyone for a while. And that's okay.

Luckily for me, I married an extrovert!

We make a good team.

Haha. He really is though ;)

(Look how cute he is!)

He loves to invite people over, to plan parties, to play games, to be out and about (and dress up, obviously!) He's helped me deal with my issues and pushes my comfort zones. If any of you are thinking to yourselves, "Oh no! I talk to Shelby too much!" or "I guess all those times we invited them over, Shelby really didn't want to be there," throw those thoughts away because they're not true. I find that even though I would like to say no or am nervous about being with people and going places, I really enjoy myself socially and am much happier afterward than I would have been if I had stayed home -even if I am exhausted after- ;) Your efforts are appreciated! Because if we waited for me to call and invite people to hang out, it would never happen. And I'd hate to miss out on all the fun things and people I have in my life now and in the future!