Sometimes I can't help but think back to all my years as a teenager and feel nothing but regret. I'm pretty sure on my 13th birthday something crawled into my ear and lived in my brain until I was 18 or so. Suddenly I was inquisitive, self conscious and took rules as a challenge to break them. However, through all my rebellion and obnoxiousness that I can now see (and try my hardest to laugh at instead of being severely embarrassed), I was always the same shy, guilt-prone, perfectionist I had been my entire life. I really did want to be honest; do the right thing; get my life in line with the Lord. Unfortunately though, my own poor descisions led myself, my family and my friends through heartache and further trials.
Okay, enough of the self shaming and onto what I really want this post to be about. Since I found my amazing husband, had cute little girlies of my own and have found more purpose in my life, I can't help but recognize how much love my Heavenly Father has for me. Those years that I felt so disappointed in myself, so alone, and so valueless, He knew. He had a plan for me all along. Those trials I barely endured prepared me for motherhood. They prepared me for my calling as a Young Woman leader. He knew more than I did how colorful my life would become as soon as I said "I do."
Two weeks ago in Young Women our lesson was about enduring trials with patience, and we read Alma 26:27 which says, "Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success."
What a promise! I can truly testify that God will comfort us if we pray to him and express each and every thought and feeling we may be having with Him. He loves me. You. His children. More than I love the children He blessed me with! I can't even imagine that. But my life is proof to me that this promise is true. It is so evident that I can never nor will ever deny that He exists. He led me to my soulmate in the darkest hours of my life. He gave me a beautiful baby to care for when I thought I had nothing to live for. He gave me David's family who has accepted and loved me with open arms and hearts. He has changed my life through love! He is aware of our individual lives. Our individual heartches. Our temptations and personal trials. He WANTS to bless us. His love has made me want to be a better person. To be a force for good and light and happiness in this dark, evil, sad world. I want everyone to feel the joy I have in my life because of the gospel. This, of course, doesn't mean I don't have hardships or pain or trials because WOW. I do! BUT through obedience I am able to have peace. To replace my fear with faith.
I am so blessed.
