2013 - New Years Eve

2013

I can't believe how fast this year went by! (Probably because last year seemed to go on forever being pregnant with baby #2). The days are getting shorter, that's for sure! I want to just take a minute to recap the good and bad, mostly the prominent memories I have of 2013.

David and I hosted a rad New Years party. I passed over 7 kidney stones in 2 months. I had 3 birthday parties for my 21st bday in February. A Rootbeer tasting/themed party with my family, a family dinner with my in-laws, and a date night with my husband on my actual birthday. In March we celebrated our 2 year anniversary. I can't believe we haven't been married longer! Most of the time, that's a terrible thing to say, but I just mean that I feel like I've known David for all my life and any time living before him seems so "bleh". We stayed at a gorgeous hotel and I was miserably 9 months pregnant. My due date came around on March 28th. The memory is still too painful to relive so I will just say that it was the worst day of my life with a cancelled induction. I spent the Easter weekend with mine and David's family, which was wonderful, but I still had no baby in my arms. April 2nd - Farrah Emery was born!! Thank goodness it wasn't April first with David as her father... A few weeks later I had emergency kidney surgery to remove 3 stones that were passing at the same time, resulting in a urinary tract infection, a swollen kidney and a trip to the ER. I was scheduled 2 weeks later to blast the clusters leftover in my kidneys but had a miracle. When I went in for an X-ray the day before my second surgery, they couldn't find them. I went in the following day for another X-ray and they still couldn't find them! And I haven't had an issue with them since! The summer months were the longest part of the year for me! My favorite part was going through the temple frequently with all the Sommers' for our missionaries first times. Each went through a different temple, which was neat for me! In September, a few of us married couples in the Sommers family went to Duck Creek for a retreat in a beautiful cabin! It was a BLAST to say the least. Four wheeling, great food and great company! We drove home on the 15th, which is our family's 1 year anniversary of being sealed in the Manti temple. We were able to stop and walk around the temple grounds that Sunday evening, just as the sun was setting. It was one of the most peaceful, beautiful experiences I've ever had. In October, David and I threw him a Halloween Costume birthday party! It was the best party we've hosted yet! We had so many friends, neighbors and family members attend. My sister, mom and I made David a killer octopus cake too! Pictures will definitely be posted soon. For Halloween, I was a butterfly, Lillian wad a firefly, Farrah was a caterpillar and David was a bug catcher! For Thanksgiving we traveled to Mesquite, Nevada for a Leavitt family reunion. It was my first Thanksgiving away from my family, but it was a great and greatly needed little vacation! This December was a first for a lot of things for David and I. It was the first time we got a real Christmas tree, the first time we did a secret santa plus donated gifts and money to a friend we care about, the first time I've been sick with 4 illnesses in a row lasting over a month, and it was Farrah's very first Christmas! Like always, we spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with David's family, then went to my dad's house for dinner. My dad actually played a card game with us afterward! WOW! And now as the new year is approaching, we are going to celebrate tonight with a few friends, a few games and a few treats. This year has been absolutely wonderful, as an understatement. I thank my Heavenly Father every single day for my "above average" husband, my sweet daughters, the amazing family I married into, the generosity of my family members, and the happiness of the true gospel that fills my life! I'm excited for 2014. If it's anything like this year has been, it'll be an adventure worth living!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

My Days

I keep forgetting that my posts don't have to be about some big occasion or life changing event. So, I thought I might write a bit about my life for the last little while. Journal entry starting.... now!

David and I and our girls were able to get packed up and drove down to Mesquite, Nevada for Thanksgiving with his mom. His sister Melanie and father drove in a separate car as well. We were going for the first Leavitt family reunion (David's mother's side) since the year I was born! So, 21 whole years ago. Long time! It was my first Thanksgiving away from home. My mother-in-law kept apologizing for how it might turn out and assuring me it wasn't a good representation of what their Thanksgivings were normally like. I wasn't worried though! We stayed in an awesome condo where David and I experienced what having a master bedroom is like! (King sized bed, TV, walk-in closet, gigantic vanity, jetta tub, ALL the amenities!) We got some exercise in with a 5k and a little pickleball, but I have to say my favorite part was getting to know my brother and sister-in-law a little better. I sure wish they'd move to Utah already. Overall, the trip was fantastic and it was so nice to get away for a long weekend!

Since December began, I've been released as a Young Women Advisor. Our whole presidency was released. I'm so sad to see them go because I feel like I met some wonderful friends in the calling, but am also super excited for what the new leaders will be able to offer to the girls of our ward. I was called into Young Women yet again (thank goodness) as the Secretary and there are no longer any advisors. I say thank goodness because that calling is just meant for me! Our new presidency is AMAZING! Super adorable, lively, young ladies that our girls have already accepted and respected. (Insert huge sigh of relief.)

Yesterday I was able to go to my old house in Heber with my mom to spend some time with two of my lovely sisters and let the girls play with some of their cousins. We talked and cleaned and made sugar cookies. It was a litte chaotic but I'm so glad I went!
I also had mutual last night and our activity was a white elephant gift exchange. I handmade a Darth Tater out of a potato, toothpicks and black construction paper. I kind of fell in love with it and was sad to see him go, but the girls sure thought it was hilarious. He's going to a good home!
I came home from the activity to find my husband slaving away to clean our bedroom. It took him three hours!!! He folded 3 loads of laundry, hung white christmas lights around the ceiling, dusted, decluttered, the whole shabang... what a hunk! All while taking care of our two girls and putting them to bed. He. Is. Amazing. It made my whole week!
We are also in charge of the activities for our family young adult Christmas party on the 21st, so we stayed up making games and enjoying our alone time together by the Christmas tree.

 It's so great, amid the trials and hecticness of daily life (especially this time of year) to be able to stop and breathe and think to myself, "I love my life."

Homeowners!

NOT!! I wish..

I am dying!!
As part of David's job, he gets to go on "tours" where he, along with realtors around the area, get to walk through houses on the market and give the sellers feedback. Today he saw a little starter home he thought I'd like, so he described it to me and asked if I wanted to go see it. We took the girls over and waited for his mom to come unlock it for us. We walked around the way-bigger-than-I-expected yard, and Lilly clung to the old metal swing it comes with. At this point I didn't have my hopes up at all. I'm pretty picky about where I live, especially if I'm looking for our first house! When Davids parents arrived, they opened the front door and the further inside I walked, the more I fell in love! Nearly everthing in the house was remodeled and it had 3 bedrooms, 1 bath and all hardwood floors. So, I want this house, right?
With David's new job we could actually afford this house. So... I start really... wanting... this house. I begin picturing... me... in this house. BAD IDEA.
Because David and I are fiscally responsible with our money we have no credit score, meaning, everything about us qualifies for this house.. except for the fact that we have no debt. How. Freakin. Retarded is that!!! So in 3 months time when we can actually get the house it will most likely be sold. And a little piece of my heart died thinking about that. I even mumbled under my breath that I might kill the people that buy it out from under me. Even David didn't see that kind of attachment coming.

Haha, but really, I'd never do that. However, I am obsessing a little bit! I'm trying to think about how much I enjoy living where I do now, because I LOVE IT! My ward and neighbors, especially! But I can't help but want to crumble something extremely solid in my fist at how ridiculous our country is when it demands debt in order to move up in life! Hhhhhhh.. so for now, I am still a debtless, houseless, yardless, swingless, harwood-floorless, little Shelby.

A Little Thing Called Love

Sometimes I can't help but think back to all my years as a teenager and feel nothing but regret. I'm pretty sure on my 13th birthday something crawled into my ear and lived in my brain until I was 18 or so. Suddenly I was inquisitive, self conscious and took rules as a challenge to break them. However, through all my rebellion and obnoxiousness that I can now see (and try my hardest to laugh at instead of being severely embarrassed), I was always the same shy, guilt-prone, perfectionist I had been my entire life. I really did want to be honest; do the right thing; get my life in line with the Lord. Unfortunately though, my own poor descisions led myself, my family and my friends through heartache and further trials.

 Okay, enough of the self shaming and onto what I really want this post to be about. Since I found my amazing husband, had cute little girlies of my own and have found more purpose in my life, I can't help but recognize how much love my Heavenly Father has for me. Those years that I felt so disappointed in myself, so alone, and so valueless, He knew. He had a plan for me all along. Those trials I barely endured prepared me for motherhood. They prepared me for my calling as a Young Woman leader. He knew more than I did how colorful my life would become as soon as I said "I do."

Two weeks ago in Young Women our lesson was about enduring trials with patience, and we read Alma 26:27 which says, "Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success."

What a promise! I can truly testify that God will comfort us if we pray to him and express each and every thought and feeling we may be having with Him. He loves me. You. His children. More than I love the children He blessed me with! I can't even imagine that. But my life is proof to me that this promise is true. It is so evident that I can never nor will ever deny that He exists. He led me to my soulmate in the darkest hours of my life. He gave me a beautiful baby to care for when I thought I had nothing to live for. He gave me David's family who has accepted and loved me with open arms and hearts. He has changed my life through love! He is aware of our individual lives. Our individual heartches. Our temptations and personal trials. He WANTS to bless us. His love has made me want to be a better person. To be a force for good and light and happiness in this dark, evil, sad world.  I want everyone to feel the joy I have in my life because of the gospel. This, of course, doesn't mean I don't have hardships or pain or trials because WOW. I do! BUT through obedience I am able to have peace. To replace my fear with faith.

I am so blessed.

Star Stickers

There's always a part of me that wants to say "No! Don't play with that... Don't climb on that... Put that down! You'll make a mess... you'll tear your clothes... you'll get hurt!" Etc. But as time goes on I've tried to care less about those kinds of things and care more about enjoying my children while they explore, create and learn. Tonight, Lilly found a sheet of star stickers. (She's been in love with stickers lately.) Immediately she began pulling them off and sticking them to our faces and saying "pretty mama". My first instinct was to say "Don't pull all of those stickers off. We might need them someday for something." Then I realized how silly that seemed. She wasn't doing anything wrong. She was just having fun and making her little sister and mommy look "pretty". So instead of telling her no, I said "Thank you," and "Wow, look how cute."

Farrah and I with our ornamentation.

Then, Lilly did something that melted my heart. She began kissing the stickers and putting them on my arm to make my "owies" feel better. This girl sure takes good care of her mommy! It definitely pays off to relax and let your children grow. I'm so proud of the little person Lilly is becoming. How lucky I am to be a mom! I get to see these little people in ways I would never be able to otherwise - through God's eyes. For all the potential they hold. For all the beautiful things I look at but that they help me really SEE. My girls teach me everyday. And for that I am eternally grateful.

My Soul Mate

I'm just sitting here on the couch, thinking I'm ready to go to bed. I looked over at David as he mouthed the words "I love you" to me. Can I take a moment to say that my husband is my perfect match, truly my better half, and because of him my faith in God has grown tremendously. Firstly, because I spent so many teenage years worrying and wasting time, begging Heavenly Father to let me someday marry whichever boyfriend I was dating at the time. Most of them were sweet guys, but David is one million times the man I ever dreamed I'd end up with. Being completely honest - I didn't even know there were men in the world as sweet, caring, loveable, silly and spiritual as him! So much of the world tells us that men are this way or that.. mostly disappointing, mindless and selfish.. and I was raised to believe that. David changed that completely for me. This proves to me that God really knows what and who is best for us, when the time comes! David strengthens and encourages me daily. I want to be the best wife and mother I can be for him. I want him to be as proud to have me for a wife as I am to have him for my husband! Lately, he's been adding a little more effort in our home and it's made a huge difference in my life! Small things like helping with laundry, playing with the girls, cleaning a room in the house and rubbing my feet at night. I just can't get enough of my sweetheart.

He just looked at me and I couldn't help but grin.. he suspects I'm writing something about him and I'm sure this would humiliate him! But really. I just can't help but express my overflowing amount of love for him.

I am constantly reminded about how much my Heavenly Father must love me to have put mine and my childrens lives in David's arms. He brightens my day, everyday! I can't wait to spend all eternity with the man of my dreams!

Sisters

I am so glad my girls have eachother! I hope they grow up to be best friends. I can't wait until Farrah is old enough to really play with Lilly. I love having so many sisters. I just wish I was closer with them. I'm the 6th out of 7 children. There are 6 girls and 1 boy and he happens to be the sibling just older than me, putting a 5 year gap between myself and my 4 older sisters. Kind of a bummer! But my younger sister and I were really good playmates growing up. We were always either best friends or enemies. Now that we're grown, we're just best friends :) And now that I have kids like my older sisters the age gap has narrowed and we have plenty in common.

Every Morning :)

 Fourth of July with the only cousins from David's side so far (Lilly, Farrah, Cameron, Minnie, Jessica)

 Lilly. Our little Adventurer! She is always so curious. It's fun to look at the world through her eyes.

 Our happy little Farrah! (Smiling at her daddy) David was his mother's smiliest baby, and I was my mom's. We were bound to get one!

 Sweetest faces.

 Lilly loves Tinkerbell or "Bello" in her language. She made these wings at her 2 year birthday party.

 Lilly and David on the Merry-Go-Round in Heber during Fair Days.

Lilly watering our little back porch garden.

Life is sweet when surrounded by my loved ones! I'm so happy to be the mother of girls!

A Lesson on Introverts.. Like Myself

This post was originally going to be about something completely different, but then I found this website and decided I had to share. If you weren't aware, I am a massive introvert with Social Anxiety Disorder plus perfectionism, depression and anxiety (all clinically diagnosed, thank you very much!)... try that one on for size! The end result - a home body who is afraid of walking out the front door because one of my extra friendly neighbors may want to say hi to me on my way to the mail box. I am riddled with anxiety in just about any situation. I constantly think of the worst possible scenarios and a good amount of the time they seem to come true! So.. anyway :) incase you wanted to understand an introvert and why we seem so rude or strange, here you go!

*I originally saw this list here.
But I wanted to edit a few.

PROBLEMS ONLY INTROVERTS WILL UNDERSTAND

1. When you need to take breaks and recharge after socializing for too long.
2. When people mistake your thoughtful look for a resting b-word face. (People think you are judgemental because of this face.)
3. When your friend wants to invite more people over and you don't want to sound like a jerk by saying no.
4. When people say "How was your weekend?" and you think to yourself, "Great! I didn't see anyone for two whole days!"
5. Fearing that you are slowly turning into a hermit... who will likely die alone.
6. Having visitors stay with you is a nightmare because it means you have to be on at ALL TIMES.
7. When people stop inviting you to things because you keep canceling  plans.

8. Too many social obligations + no alone time = total grump.
9. When you're asked to do a group project and know that you're going to hate every minute of it. "I hate talking. To people. About things." (This also kills my perfectionism. Just let me do the whole thing alone, the right way, the first time.)
10. When your ride at a party doesn't want to leave early and no one seems to understand your distress.
11. When you hear "Wanna hang out?" and your palms start sweating with anxiety because the answer is "no" but you don't want to hurt their feelings.
12. When you hear "Are you okay?" or "Why are you so quiet?" for the umpteenth time just because you prefer to listen.
13. Trying to be extra outgoing when you flirt so your crush doesn't think you hate them. "Seriously, I just have resting b-word face.. it's not you."
14. That feeling of dread when the phone rings and you're not mentally/emotionally prepared to chat.
15. When you have an awesome night out but have to deal with feeling exhausted for days after the fact.
16. When people pressure you to be more social whether you like it or not.
17. When you're really excited to go out, but those feelings don't last long enough.

18. When you're trying to get something done but you can't because everyone else is talking.

19. When you bring something to do to a public place so no one will bug you, but other people take that as a conversation starter.

20. When people make you feel weird for wanting to do things by yourself.

21. When someone interrupts your thoughts and you get irrationally angry.

22. When people can't seem to grasp that being in SMALL groups is where you excel the most.

23. You just need to not talk to anyone for a while. And that's okay.

Luckily for me, I married an extrovert!

We make a good team.

Haha. He really is though ;)

(Look how cute he is!)

He loves to invite people over, to plan parties, to play games, to be out and about (and dress up, obviously!) He's helped me deal with my issues and pushes my comfort zones. If any of you are thinking to yourselves, "Oh no! I talk to Shelby too much!" or "I guess all those times we invited them over, Shelby really didn't want to be there," throw those thoughts away because they're not true. I find that even though I would like to say no or am nervous about being with people and going places, I really enjoy myself socially and am much happier afterward than I would have been if I had stayed home -even if I am exhausted after- ;) Your efforts are appreciated! Because if we waited for me to call and invite people to hang out, it would never happen. And I'd hate to miss out on all the fun things and people I have in my life now and in the future!

Faith Overcoming Fear

I'm an anxiety-ridden person and always have been. I'm the opposite of courageous and can be quite the pessimist at times. I got my monthy Ensign in the mail yesterday and decided to read an article from it today for FHE. The article was titled "A Time for Faith, Not Fear" by Elder Larry W. Gibbons.

I needed that.

I haven't been able to attend church for a few months because I had Farrah in April. I've also been having medical issues with kidney stones recently as well as just before having her. My little sister was diagnosed with Crohns disease the same weekend I was in the E.R. having surgery for my kidneys. My parents are in the middle of a divorce and I have already seen how quickly evil has tried to pull my family apart.

I just want to thank my Heavenly Father openly for allowing me to be born in the Promised Land. Free. On top of that, being privileged enough to also be raised in the true gospel of Jesus Christ. As if that isn't fortunate enough, my husband was also born and raised in similar circumstances to my own. I now have two beautiful, sweet little angels for daughters and an incredible husband for their father- who blesses our home and lives by being worthy of the priesthood. What a comfort it is to me through this trying time in my life that I have truth, knowledge, and loved ones to support and uplift me. I have an incredible bishop, ward, young women leaders I work with in my calling, and visiting teachers, who are all so willing to serve.

What peace the words in that article brought to my heart - that "this is a time for faith, not fear."

Foodie

I have a lot to say about food.

I was raised eating great food. My dad loved to cook experimentally and my mom was pro at baking! As they grew up, several of my sisters found a love for cooking/baking too and can now make just about anything. After getting married, I was exposed to a whole different world of foods than I'd ever tried or thought I'd liked. While in the hospital after having Farrah, my dad bought me a cookbook (which was quite the treat coming from him!) and I can't wait to try every single recipe in it! Recently, David and I have been watching shows like "Master Chef" on Hulu Plus and it's helped to spark my interest in cooking as well. So I'm recording a new goal: to cook/bake more frequently (from scratch).

David and I have also been fed up with our weight gain and feeling disgusting, due to sitting on the couch for hours watching TV after putting the girls to sleep. David suggested we try being vegetarian for a month (which has now turned into 2 weeks). I'm a carnivore so it seems quite daunting but I'm willing to put in the effort.
Lately, Farrah has been acting colicky and the culprit seems to be dairy.. For anyone who knows me, you'd know that I can go through AT LEAST 2 gallons of whole milk a week single-handedly. I also dump any and all cheese into or onto nearly everything I eat and I'd be a crazy person not to love icecream.. and I do!! So here is a question for anyone who'd like to keep me from starving. What in the world does a lactose intolerant vegetarian eat?! Is this basically what vegans eat?

Sometimes David and I like to pretend like we're rich people so we occasionally take ourselves out to eat. Last night we ate at the "Tortilla Bar" on State Street here in Orem. David's work is a few buildings over and he said he sees their line get longer and longer everyday, which made him curious. He ordered the hanger taco and pork taco and I ordered the pork taco and avacado taco. They were both excellent, but a little pricey for the small portion you get. However, everything (as much as possible) is organic and locally grown/provided which guaranteed us really fresh food! I wouldn't eat there everyday, but as my husband said, it's a place you'd want to take someone you are trying to impress!
Afterward, we stopped by Taco Bell to get Lilly her own soft taco. David and I couldn't help but sneak a few bites.. sometimes you just really need some greasy garbage food too!

I. LOVE. FOOD.

Farrah Emery Martin

Since I have a little down time, I thought I should get around to typing up a bit about the birth of our second daughter, Farrah.

As you know, if you've read my last two posts, it was nearly impossible to get this girl and the doctors on the same page as myself concerning when her arrival would be. I wanted her asap and she and the doctors would have let her turn 18 before exiting my body. After my scheduled induction (on my due date) fell through, I was told I was put on the list to be induced first thing in the morning five days later. Monday night finally rolled around and despite all my cleaning and preparation, I felt no excitement for the morning to come. Infact, I felt nauseous and doubtful that things would turn out the way I had previously hoped. To be honest, I felt like God was giving me the opposite of what I wanted just to teach me a lesson that I couldn't seem to figure out. SO.. I did my best not to feel anything, as to not get my hopes up again, only to be obliterated for the third time. The hospital never called us, so we called them. They said to plan on coming in at 6 a.m. but to "call ahead of time, just incase." Ohhhh that famous phrase... I know it all too well! David stubbornly, resentfully, and rightfully told me we were not going to call in the morning but to simply show up instead. That's what we did. About a minute before we got there, a nurse called and asked if we were still planning on coming in. I said we were almost there and she asked if we had tried to call anytime that morning. Nope!

When we got to the hospital and were checked into a room, they informed us that they were short staffed and had thought about postponing my induction... you can imagine how I would have felt in that moment. Anyway, they had to call in extra nurses so I waited until 7:30 to start the induction, but I was just happy to be there!

Around 10:30 my contractions were painful enough to get an epidural. Skipping all the gory details, my water broke and I was ready to push at 3:30 p.m. My doctor thought it'd be awesome to stand outside my door to eat some ice cream and have a nice chat with the other nurses while I sat there fully dilated and feeling the pain get stronger. I hadn't pushed my epidural button because I had assumed I was about to have the baby and it would take 15 minutes for the medicine to kick in. Silly me.. the doctor stood right outside for a half hour. By the time he came in to deliver the baby, I pushed one time and there she was!

So Farrah Emery Martin was born at 4:00 p.m. on April 2, 2013 weighing 7 lbs. 0 oz. and was 20 inches long. A FULL HEAD OF BLACK HAIR on her too! I was so excited she wasn't bald like Lilly and I were!

Well, the rest is history. Recovery has been difficult for my body. It's been 10 days and I'm still dependent on percocet to get me through. But it's felt wonderful to hold a newborn again. Emotionally, I am doing so much better than the pregnancy me. I'm so excited to be able to exercise and get feeling back to normal right as summer comes into view! Lilly enjoys touching her little sister's hands and feet and kissing her on the head. She's been really good. Farrah and I are still working out kinks in sleep and nursing habits, but overall, it's been great. And of course, David is a hard working, happy daddy that adores his three little girls!

Welcome to the Martin family, Farrah. We hope you like it here :)

Still not ready

So, I'm still not ready to talk about the details because it's too overwhelmingly emotional for me but I figured if anyone who reads my blog would like to know what's going on with baby, here's a short(er) update.

I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday and got fantastic news. I was scheduled in to be induced this week!

However, the day came.. with many complications.. and many other women that became priority over me and my baby.. and my doctor left for a vacation and no other doctor wanted to deliver for me.. then the day left.. after a million phone calls and hours of anxiety I am heart broken to say, I still haven't met my little one yet. That makes two weeks in a row of this emotional roller coaster and I am struggling. She won't get to wear the matching Easter dress we bought her and Lilly. Nor the bunny beanie we commissioned my sister to crochet for her for the holiday. We won't be able to wrap her up with the blankie and bunny we put in her first Easter basket. I'll have to go to family parties and be asked by a million people why the heck I'm STILL pregnant.

I'm sceduled to be induced this coming week now. Big whoop. Who knows if it'll actually even happen. I'll be 41 weeks pregnant and I can't imagine being more exhausted. I'm huge. I run on 2-3 hours of interrupted sleep a night. And the longer I'm pregnant the bigger this baby gets. I'm so done. I've been done for a long time now.

I should be grateful that I can be pregnant. That she will be healthy and no matter what. That there IS an end to pregnancy. But this is still one of the hardest things I've gone through physically, and I'm still trying to figure out what God is trying to teach me.

BLEHHHHH.

It's probably a bad idea for me to write this post while I'm still in the midst of all my negative emotions, but...

I am in my 39th week of pregnancy. I had my first "check" at the doctor's today and was hoping for good news like "Great job mom! You're ready to go! Let's deliver this baby sometime this week. Pick a day - any day!"

Just a little background story for you.. My first pregnancy (the one before this one) made me wish I could die every day because of how sick I was. When my everyday/all day sickness subsided at around six months, I felt pretty great. It was still hard being pregnant, but my favorite thing was being a tan, full term mommy in the middle of summer sportin' a belly in a bikini by the pool! I loved being 9 months pregnant, and never really wished my pregnancy would end. (Keep in mind here, I had never experienced a contraction and weighed 119 the day I had the baby!) My first "check" that time around was at 37 weeks, and to my surprise, I was already dilating. We set the day to be induced and everything went better than I could've ever imagined. A week later, we had a gorgeous little girl!

Sooooo, here I am in my second pregnancy (which has turned out to be a lot harder than the first) at 39 weeks, and guess what news the doctor gave me? "Well, there's nothin' goin' on down there! Looks like we'll have to see you again in a week!" I was already mad that I'm one week from my due date and hadn't been checked before this point. Plus, w.t.h. is up with going into labor 3 weeks early last time and now, being no where close to it when I'm huge and in pain all the time?! I honestly fully expected to set an induction date today. I've been having really painful contractions all week, not to mention the hundreds of practice contractions everyday for months. I won't go into detail about the other changes in my bodily functions, but really. 100% shock not being able to have this baby. I want her out of me YESTERDAY! There's no "extra time to catch up on sleep and all the freedoms you won't get to enjoy once she's here". I'm lucky to get two consecutive hours of sleep nowdays, and my freedoms are severely dampened when entertaining a 20 month old all day. I'm already past my full term weight from the last pregnancy. I only made it this far because I told myself everyday "One more week. You can last one more week!" Now what am I going to tell myself?! I'll tell you what I've already told myself. "You may now eat all the junk food and crap you want because this baby is going to be in there past your due date. So pig out, lounge around and feel bad for yourself every single day until she comes."

The end.

Final pregnancy updates!

Remember when I filled out a little questionnaire back when I was 19 weeks pregnant? Well, I thought it'd be neat to do again now that I'll be having the baby sometime in the next two weeks! Some questions are the same and some are different than last time. We're getting more and more excited as the days go on!

How old are you: 21
When are you due: March 28th, 2013
How far along are you: 38 weeks!
How much weight have you gained: 25 lbs
Are you showing yet: like a whale!
Was this planned or unplanned: Unplanned for me, planned for daddy! Haha
Belly button in or out: Out out out!
Happy or moody: Happy but always exhausted.
Is this your first pregnancy: Nope
How old are your other children: Lillian is 20 months old.
What is the gender of baby: A GIRL!!! :D
You pee an estimated__times a day: Ten, maybe more. With constant contractions I always feel like I have to pee!
Latest food craving: The chocolatiest of all chocolate shakes!
Who do you think the baby will look like: After our last ultrasound, I compared Lilly's ultrasound pictures to this baby's and they looked different! This one has a pointier nose, so I'm hoping she looks like me :) Lilly looks just like her daddy so it'd be fun to have a mini Shelby too!
Favorite thing about being pregnant at this point: The look of my round tummy in shirts and dresses.
Least favorite thing at this point: Ooh, there's a few! Constant fatigue, even my pregnancy pants are too tight, all the extra weight and fat I'm carrying makes me feel unattractive, my back, hips, pelvis and legs always hurt, she kicks right above my belly button and it killlllls, I get super itchy when I try to sleep because of the swelling from water retension... the list goes on! Haha.
One thing you've missed since being pregnant: Being able to jump and dance and run - basically being active and being able to move like a normal human being.
Any stretch marks: All the ones from my first pregnancy (which is like a gazillion) but only two new ones from this time around (thank goodness!) One above my belly button and one on my right calf.
Is the nursery complete: No, we need to paint her crib and get a changing pad, but other than that, yes!
Is there a theme: Yes, she and Lilly are sharing a room. The colors are silky lavender, black and white floral patterns and silver highlights. It's gorgeous, if I do say so myself!
Medicated birth or natural: If all goes to plan, I'll be induced and have a reeeeeaal nice epidural waiting for my beckoning call! :)

Suffering with Pica

Ever heard of those weird pregnant women with CRAZY cravings? I'm not talking about the pickles and ice cream combo, I mean the women who crave dirt and laundry detergent.

That's me.

Well, not the dirt part. But walk me down the cleaner or laundry isle in the grocery store and you will have to drag me out of there! During both my pregnancy with Lilly and my current pregnancy I have craved non-nutritional/non-food substances. This is a condition called Pica. My cravings with my first pregnancy were fewer and spread out over more time. I craved toothpaste, any lemon scented cleaner and ice. Nothing too out of hand, and quite common for people with an iron deficiency (which would be most pregnant women). I thought I was in the clear when halfway through this pregnancy I had no such cravings. And then it hit me... seven months pregnant and Pica came back with a vengeance! Not only do I crave toothpaste, lemon scented cleaners and pebble ice, but also David's sport body wash, Clorox disinfecting wipes, dish soap, dish-washer detergent, fabric softener dryer sheets, lavender baby powder, the gritty texture and smell of my exfoliant, and gasoline. As for the title of this post, I really wouldn't consider myself as "suffering" through these cravings because let's be honest.. it's really, REALLY satisfying every time I get a whiff of one of those things! The only part that makes "suffering" applicable is wishing I could bathe in cleaner, brush my teeth with my exfoliant and drink gasoline... even though, in reality, I know it would all actually be discusting. Because I know how harmful they'd all be to ingest, I fill my cravings other ways. I guess you could say that I'm now obsessed with cleaning, brushing my teeth and showering (even more so than I am when I'm not pregnant! For those who know me well, this would be hard to believe). I take AT LEAST two showers a day; I'm guilty of carrying a dryer sheet around with me and every time I pass my kitchen sink I open one of my cleaners to smell it.

Onto the more statistical parts of Pica - less than 25% of women suffer from it during pregnancy. It was reassuring to me to read what other women have experienced craving- things like soil, clay, laundry starch, ice, ashes, plaster, paint chips, matches, permanent marker and coffee grounds.

I remember showering at home for the first time after having Lilly. I was so disappointed that my toothpaste didn't taste very good to me anymore. It's pretty amazing how quickly our hormones change us. Hopefully I'll still find the time and motivation to shower and clean after this little one is born! I hear two kids is going to be pretty tough!

Meh... BRING IT ON! :)

BOM

At church, this last Sunday, our Gospel Essentials class was about the scriptures and why they're important in our lives. I guess it really stuck with David, because the next day, he came home from work and offered me a challenge to read the entire Book of Mormon, aloud, together, in one month! I accepted and we immediately began studying. Each day, we have to read a minimum of nine chapters in order to make our goal. I can say it definitely is a challenge, but more than anything, it's been a blessing, and we've only been reading for three days.
Lately, David and I have really been struggling with our patience for Lilly. She is constantly testing her boundaries with us and throws loud, mean tantrums when she doesn't get her way. She's also learning to sleep in a toddler bed and hardly eats the food we give her. With a new baby coming and with all the illness I've been dealing with, I become anxious and overwhelmed quite easily; I feel like I have no energy or physical capability to handle her behavior. By reading the B.O.M. diligently, David and I are praying that Heavenly Father will give us more patience and love.
I was called to be an advisor in the Young Women program in our ward back in November and again, because of the pregnancy and related illnesses I haven't been able to attend to or fulfill my calling as fully as I've wanted to. David is the Elders Quorum Secretary and has a difficult time calling members because of his busy schedule. By reading the B.O.M. we are hoping Heavenly Father will help us have the time and energy to fulfill our callings the way we would like to.
Lastly, we want to have the spirit with us and within our home more noticeably. We would like to receive inspiration, comfort and guidance from our Heavenly Father, and we believe that by reading the B.O.M. He will provide our family with such.
I'm grateful for a husband who encourages me to become better and who has such a strong testimony of the Lord's true gospel.

By March fourth I will write another post to share my experiences about this challenge again. And anyone who feels prompted to take up this challenge or one like it should do so! I'd love to hear how reading the scriptures has benefitted your life as well.

FYI

WARNING: You are about to enter the insights of a hormonal female who's own body has been providing food and shelter to another human being for nearly eight months. Proceed with caution.

Just incase anyone is wondering, pregnancy is hard. REALLY HARD. Like, the hardest thing I have ever gone through (physically, at least, which then contributes to the emotional hardship of it all.)
I was just reading the blog of a mother who used to get annoyed when new mothers would complain about how tired they always were.. and then she got pregnant herself. She realized that women are tired LONG before their babies are born, and that the whole 10 months prior to the birth of a baby, most moms hardly sleep at all, even though pregnancy is one of the times in a woman's life that she needs MORE sleep than normal. In the comments section of this woman's blog, another girl criticized her, saying she was overbearing, neurotic and needed to calm down and enjoy her pregnancy more.. I would just like to say, that if someone has never been pregnant, or has only had an "easy" pregnancy (that would be you, if you read about other pregnant womens' complaints and have no clue what they're talking about or feel no sympathy for them) then you have no right to judge the complaints of another mother. I should also add that even if you've been pregnant once, try it again and see the difference.. it's huge. And maybe you should have another pregnancy on top of taking care of your other two children. Try telling anyone after that that you aren't tired and have no complaints. I complain a lot, and trust me, I hold back! If I was constantly stating how crappy I felt, there wouldn't be a silent moment my entire pregnancy long. So next time you hear a mom voice her hardships, have sympathy. Someday, karma may make you regret being insensitive and unbelieving.

Vacation

I really need a vacation. Not just any ol' vacation.. I mean one from all responsibilities like motherhood, church callings, homemaker, being an adult in general, everything. I'm ready to be skinny and feel like a normal human again who has control over my own body and emotions. The beach is my happy place and I can't even remember the last time I was there.. It would be so nice to go on a cruise to a warm, sunny, Carribbean island and run around a soft, sandy beach. Just to be able to turn off sections of my brain, and completely relax for once. No anxiety, no stress, no ACID REFLUX. To get a good nights sleep - uninterrupted. No crying children, no waking up every time I have to switch from my left side to my right. No getting up to pee every three hours. No back or hip or leg or pelvic pain. To be able to sleep on my back and stomach again! No laundry or dishes or vacuuming up crackers that got stepped on and mashed into the carpet. No writing checks and constantly paying bills. No need to spend hours on hair and makeup just to be dissatisfied with the results. No need to wear painful and uncomfortable clothes to avoid judgement. I just want to be with David. Talking and laughing and swinging on a hammock. Drinking giant icy piña coladas like we did on our honeymoon...
I feel like I'm going crazy.

Yes. A vacation is what I need.

Getting Close!

This week I am 30 weeks pregnant. I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by! People are still hesitant to even ask my husband whether I'm pregnant or not (which is absurd to me because I've felt huge for a while now, but at least they're trying to be polite!) Second pregnancies are extremely different than firsts, in my book. Because I've "been there, done that" things are less of a shock. I'm not constantly aware of every change that takes place in my body and most of the time I'm so busy taking care of Lilly that I don't pay much attention to the kicks and squirms I feel throughout the day. In a way, this makes me feel really guilty. I've only taken one picture of my belly this whole time and it was 11 weeks ago.. which is sad because I have less time than that left of the entire pregnancy! I promise I still love this little girl as much as I love my Lilly-bug!

Anyway, I really wanted to write because I was so excited that we were finally able to see her sweet face at our last ultrasound! It's kind of sad missing out on that part until your pregnancy is more than halfway over. We've had to have quite a few ultrasounds for a couple of reasons (outside of the regular sizing and due date, 20 week check and the gender check which we always opt for.) The first reason is no surprise to me, because we had the same issues with Lilly's pregnancy. As much as my babies twist and turn when I'm this far along, earlier in both pregnancies the Ultrasound Technician has told me to drink a coke and eat a candy bar before I go in, in order to give my babies some energy. With this baby, it was a little different, because she wouldn't turn over no matter how much we pushed and poked her, and I was only feeling her kicks on the right side of my stomach - hence, the delay on seeing her face. So the tech was just a little worried about her movement. The second reason is to check the placenta. It looks like I've got "Placenta Previa" which means I have some scar tissue that is holding the placenta over the birth canal.. to a lot of people this sounds like no biggy but what that means for me is that I may have to have a c-section if things don't change. Big deal to me! Especially because Lilly's birth went so quickly and so well, I would be really bummed to be able to have an easy birth with this one but couldn't because of one little factor. C-sections to me mean harder recovery and a big ol' scar that I get to deal with. (Don't try to convince me not to be worried about these, because people have tried and I am stubborn.. it doesn't work.) Anyway, we're just hoping and praying over here that things change. Here's the picture of my little sweety and her beautiful face! Can't wait to see it in person!!

Life is good.

Repeating myself here.. Life is GOOD! For some reason I just feel it today. I'm just amazed at all the blessings Heavenly Father has given me. I'm so grateful to live in a warm apartment and to have plenty of warm clothes to wear when I have to go outside. I'm grateful for the ward here and the people I work with. They bring out the best in me. I'm grateful for David's job and his hard work everyday - providing not only necessities but our wants as well. I'm grateful to live so close to churches and temples and that I can attend them regularly and without consequence. I'm grateful to live in such a safe, beautiful town, where there are so many genuinely good people. I'm grateful for food! I'm so thankful I am healthy and that my family is healthy. I'm tremendously thankful for a car! And the generosity of our loved ones who have provided more things for our family than I could ever have asked for. Most of all, I'm thankful for my sweet husband David, my silly daughter Lillian and the opportunity I have to be carrying the newest little blessing in our lives. What a beautiful thing families are. I'm so excited to watch ours grow - to build strong relationships and fond memories! I'm grateful for LOVE! Life, truly, is good.