Still not ready

So, I'm still not ready to talk about the details because it's too overwhelmingly emotional for me but I figured if anyone who reads my blog would like to know what's going on with baby, here's a short(er) update.

I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday and got fantastic news. I was scheduled in to be induced this week!

However, the day came.. with many complications.. and many other women that became priority over me and my baby.. and my doctor left for a vacation and no other doctor wanted to deliver for me.. then the day left.. after a million phone calls and hours of anxiety I am heart broken to say, I still haven't met my little one yet. That makes two weeks in a row of this emotional roller coaster and I am struggling. She won't get to wear the matching Easter dress we bought her and Lilly. Nor the bunny beanie we commissioned my sister to crochet for her for the holiday. We won't be able to wrap her up with the blankie and bunny we put in her first Easter basket. I'll have to go to family parties and be asked by a million people why the heck I'm STILL pregnant.

I'm sceduled to be induced this coming week now. Big whoop. Who knows if it'll actually even happen. I'll be 41 weeks pregnant and I can't imagine being more exhausted. I'm huge. I run on 2-3 hours of interrupted sleep a night. And the longer I'm pregnant the bigger this baby gets. I'm so done. I've been done for a long time now.

I should be grateful that I can be pregnant. That she will be healthy and no matter what. That there IS an end to pregnancy. But this is still one of the hardest things I've gone through physically, and I'm still trying to figure out what God is trying to teach me.

BLEHHHHH.